Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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