I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
