real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
