I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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