I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
