Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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