So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm eating all of the evidence.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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