Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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