I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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