she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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