You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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