Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
