Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its about making memories worth repressing
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
