No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
