I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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