I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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