he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
