Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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