Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
