I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
