We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
