I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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