Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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