What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i would punch a child for taco bell
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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