she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
