Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
