I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
