i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
