hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
