i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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