There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
