This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
