have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize