Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
