My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
