the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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