Soap is not a condiment
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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