You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
