I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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