I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
