also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
