Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
