so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
