I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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