Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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