I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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