allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
