I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
