WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
