I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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