last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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