shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
4 words: hood of his car
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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