You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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