i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
