just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
