To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
