and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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