used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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