I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize