I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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