I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
