$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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